


All The Right Pieces

by Zinjanthropus



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 04:33:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11456073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zinjanthropus/pseuds/Zinjanthropus
Summary: Regina is drawn into Emma's life again following the illness and death of Hook.  Then she keeps slipping farther and farther in.





	All The Right Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Story begins after Henry leaves for college, and accepts canon through season 6. 
> 
> Warnings: Cancer. Also, although I personally detest the show's portrayal of Emma's relationship with Hook, this story accepts the idea that Emma and Hook actually love each other, and it paints him in a positive light. I realize and respect that this fact may be a deal breaker for some readers. If it helps you to make a decision about whether to read this story or not, know that Emma and Hook barely interact with each other.

The weather was just turning cold the day that Regina learned about the baby. _Emma’s baby_. She had just gotten out the storage boxes with her sweaters, which she had carefully packed away the previous spring. When she had placed the sweaters in the boxes, Henry was still at home. Now he was off at college. She knew that this little tradition of changing out her out of season clothing was somewhat silly at this point, given the vast amount of space in her house. But this was what she always did, every spring and fall, and Archie always said that there was value in maintaining habits and rituals during periods of change in one’s life.

She wondered if Henry would ever live with her again. She thought not. But maybe if he ended up trying to make it as a novelist – maybe he’d end up at least “crashing with her” for a while at some point.

As if conjured by her thoughts, the phone rang and Henry’s voice was on the other end when she answered it. He wanted to know if she had heard Emma’s news. She hadn’t, but she knew what it was before he put it into words. Emma was pregnant.

It was not unexpected, and it certainly explained why Regina had caught Emma sleeping at her desk the other day when she had stopped by to ask about security plans for the upcoming town fair. Regina felt herself smile. At the same time she could feel a little ache inside too, but Henry’s next words soothed it a bit, “It’s still early, so Emma said only family knows for now.” _Family._

After they hung up, an unexpected sob welled up inside her and spilled over so quickly that big splashy tears fell on her thighs. Regina was surprised, because she really was happy for Emma. For a moment she thought it might be jealousy. That was the sort of emotion that she was predisposed to. But that wasn’t quite it. It was just an extreme version of what she had been feeling since Henry left – that their lives, hers and Emma’s, once so infuriatingly bound up together, were separating, following their own courses. Where once she might have expected relief at that, the reality of it had brought a resigned sadness instead. The idea that Emma would have her own child, one that belonged only to her and Hook, one that Regina didn’t share with her – it just seemed alien, almost wrong.

_Ridiculous_. Regina wiped her tears with a tissue, then another, and clamped down on those feelings. They were no good to anyone. She was glad Henry had been the one to tell her. She would have been so embarrassed if this reaction had bubbled up in front of Emma or (god forbid) Snow.

 *****

The first snowflakes of the fall were falling on the day that Regina heard the news about Hook. It was in the evening, after work. She was cleaning up the kitchen after eating her dinner, and heard a knock at the door. When she opened the door and saw Snow’s face, she knew immediately something was wrong.

Regina invited her in.

“What’s wrong?”

To her credit, Snow kept her composure very well, as she informed Regina about Killian’s diagnosis: cancer, and the prognosis: roughly six months, give or take a bit. Regina did the math. “He might not live long enough to see his child born.”

Snow’s voice cracked as she said, “We can only hope.” Regina couldn’t meet her eyes.

Regina’s mind raced through so many thoughts, and she managed to say only, “Thank you for telling me. If there is anything she needs . . .” Regina trailed off, her own words sounding so empty. Regina reached out and touched Snow’s forearm, looking her in the eyes as she repeated, “anything.”

Snow thanked Regina and made a quick exit. When she got to her car, she realized she had failed to mention the other thing that had been on her mind. She didn’t bother knocking again, just walked back in to the kitchen where Regina had been just a moment ago.

The dirty dishes were still on the counter next to the sink, but Regina was not in sight. Snow was just about to call her name when she heard Regina’s scream. Not a scream of terror, more of an explosive rumble. It brought her back to their days in the enchanted forest – Regina’s scream of rage and frustration, of defeat.

Snow hurried towards the sound’s origin. By the time she found Regina, sitting on the floor in her bedroom, she was sobbing uncontrollably. Snow realized that she was violating Regina’s privacy, and she felt a stab of fear as she moved to her side, knowing it was possible that Regina would push her away, perhaps violently. But she couldn’t do anything else.

When Regina saw her approach, she hid her face in her hands and quieted her voice, though her body still shook and the tears kept flowing. Snow sank down beside her.

Regina stammered, “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with me. With this. You’re her mother.” Snow said nothing, just reached her hand to Regina’s and entwined their fingers.

After a while Regina said, “I know I should be long past thinking that I am in any position to say who deserves happiness. I just _wanted_ it so much for her.”

“I know,” Snow said. “I feel the same way. But we have got to get past this idea of happy endings. Nothing in life is an ending. There are just things that happen. Things that bring us joy. Things we survive, together. And that’s what I’ve been trying to focus on. She won’t be going through this alone. We are going to be there with her. We’ll carry her through it if we have to. And she _will_ be happy again one day. Its just going to look a little different than what we expected. Emma’s got us and we’ve got each other.” Snow paused for a few moments before continuing. “Which brings me back to what I forgot to mention earlier. We are having family dinner at our place this Sunday. I don’t know if Emma and Hook will be there, but it would really mean a lot to me if you could come regardless.”

Regina hadn’t been attending many family dinners since Henry had left. That would clearly need to change. “Of course,” Regina replied. “I’ll be there.”

*****

It was at one of those family dinners that Regina took her next steps towards involvement in Emma’s life, through Killian. He needed invasive radiation therapy as part of the treatment plan that they all hoped would extend his life. He would need to be away from children, including fetal ones, for a week, as he waited for the radiation to dissipate from his body. Regina offered her home immediately. Noticing he was looking even thinner than his typical lean, slightly gaunt look, she decided she would feed him well enough to send him home with a few more pounds on his frame. This required a bit of culinary experimentation, until she understood not only his likes and dislikes but the presentation methods and times of day that would maximize the chances of him eating well.

The attention seemed to unnerve Hook a bit at first, but his raised eyebrows eventually gave way to smiles. As much as he irritated her, Regina did feel an understanding towards Hook. He was like her in many ways. Hook was unaccustomed to being the focus of anyone’s concern, and she knew that if she were in his position she would have trouble adapting to it. On top of that there was the physical vulnerability of having his body being eaten away from the inside. Regina simply could not help feeling sympathetic toward the man.

They kept their distance for the first few days, until Regina came home a little earlier than expected and found Hook asleep on the couch with a book on his chest. The sound of her entering woke him, and he quickly stuffed the book under one of the pillows on the couch. Regina pretended not to notice at first, but her curiosity got the best of her eventually. She didn’t take it from the spot he had stashed it, but she couldn’t help glancing at the shelves in her library to see what was missing.

As she ladled soup into a bowl for him, she casually asked, “so you’re a Jane Austen fan?”

Killian actually blushed. “You won’t tell Swan, will you?”

Regina laughed. “That doesn’t strike me as the kind of thing a man should be keeping from his wife.”

“Ah, don’t be cruel, your majesty. You wouldn’t deny a dying man this one small wish?” He flashed her his best puppy dog eyes, which had never failed to make Regina want to smack him.

“You underestimate me, Captain.” Regina gave him her best Evil Queen look, and she dropped her voice a bit to match it. “I’ll make a deal with you. You tell me every detail of this sordid obsession of yours, and I’ll give you my word to never breathe a word of it. Otherwise . . .” Regina trails off.

They hadn’t experienced this repartee since their days of mutual villainhood, and this little exchange helps them find a way to be with each other that feels both comfortable and not so serious, which is a relief. By the time Killian returned home, Regina had almost a brotherly feeling for the pirate, and she was ninety nine percent sure that she had succeeded in her mission of putting a few pounds on his frame.

About a week later Emma called her. She claimed that Killian was not eating well, and she was fairly certain that he had been missing Regina’s cooking, though he wouldn’t say a word to that effect. Regina hit the grocery store on her way over, and arrived with two large paper bags.

“Thank you so much, Regina.”

“Don’t thank me. I’m just doing this to keep you from undoing my hard work. I can’t have him loosing the weight I worked so hard to put onto him.”

Regina opens cabinets and looks around, familiarizing herself with the layout and what’s available to work with. “Let’s start with breakfast. What’s he been eating?”

Emma looks sheepish. “Uh, cereal, mostly.”

Regina rolls her eyes. “Please don’t say Frosted Flakes.”

“No, of course not. I’m buying the healthy stuff now.” Emma shows her a box, and it takes every bit of self-control that Regina has not to make a crack about her _trying_ to kill him.

“That won’t do. He’s very sensitive to textures, and a little warmth goes a long way.”

“Yeah, I tried to make him eggs a couple of times, but morning’s not the best time for me, and just looking at a raw egg . . .” Emma trails off, as if finishing the sentence were likely to cause her to vomit.

“Right, of course,” Regina continues, as she pulls out a pot. “Well, he usually can’t resist steel cut oats with a little spiced pumpkin and a bit of half & half. They take forever to cook, but they keep well, so -” Regina stops as she looks up and catches Emma’s expression. Her eyebrows are raised and her smirking smile gives way to an open mouth as she starts to say something, but Regina cuts her off. “Don’t you dare, Ms. Swan. If I can restrain myself from saying a single word about the cardboard pellets that you’ve been feeding him, you can certainly inhibit whatever ill-advised commentary is on your mind. Do not bite the hand that is feeding your husband.”

Emma swallows whatever she had intended to say and just smiles with gratitude. She listens attentively to all of Regina’s advice, and Regina stays for hours, making some meals that they can reheat easily. She makes a mental note to look up nutritional requirements for pregnant women, so that she can integrate that information into her planning.

Regina goes home feeling better than she had. It’s good to have something she can control in this mess. In the time that follows, these cooking and kitchen stocking get-togethers become routine, as does the sniping she does at Emma over her eating habits, which truth be told have actually improved quite a bit. But both of them take comfort in the ritual of their faux antagonism, and comfort is everything.

 *****

It was originally Regina’s plan to steer completely clear of the birth. Emma would have her mother there, which would undoubtedly provide more than enough support. But by the time of the birth, Hook’s final days are approaching quickly. He is already in the hospital when Emma goes in to labor. He is fighting for every moment, keeping pain medications as low as possible. Emma spends early labor with him, in his room. But when things intensify she goes off to a labor and delivery room, and the Charmings call in Regina to serve as a message carrier between the two rooms. It seems like something David could have done, but maybe he’s a bit squeamish about the labor and delivery scene. Also, this way they never have to leave Killian alone.

So Regina finds herself there in the thick of all the intensity. She’s wiping Killian’s brow and feeding him ice chips. She’s stepping in to relieve Snow, massaging Emma’s lower back, listening to the low humming sounds coming from her. Regina can’t help but imagine Henry’s birth, and the whole thing has her so emotional that she has to stay completely focused on what needs to be done. _One thing at a time_.

At one point, she finds herself murmuring encouraging words to Killian in a soft, comforting voice, and she has to laugh at the absurdity of it. It’s just a quiet chuckle. It’s nearly five am and she’s been up since dawn. David is asleep in a chair. Killian’s eyes open a bit.

He manages to say, “Who would have thought, eh?” There’s a tiny smirk in his expression, a little echo of his outrageously flirty charm. Regina always thought of that charm as a bit of theatrics, but she thinks now maybe she was wrong and it’s just who he is.

“Ssshh, save your energy. Your daughter will be here soon.”

Regina sees the smile in his eyes. He takes her advice, and she doesn’t hear him speak again until Snow wheels Emma in, with a tiny bundle in her arms. Emma looks horrible, pale and exhausted, but everyone’s eyes are drawn to the baby. A perfect little face, with a crown of short black hair. Regina almost laughs. The newest member of the family is the spitting image of Snow White. Her head is perfectly shaped, as if she hadn’t spent the last hour squishing through a too-small space. Her skin is uniformly golden without a single blotch of discoloration. Regina leaves Killian’s side and she kisses Emma on the check as she leaves the room. She doesn’t go far, just out to the waiting area.

It’s daylight when she wakes up with a stiff neck. David is there handing her a cup of coffee. She doesn’t ask anything, knowing he will tell her.

“They named her Kate. Killian said he wanted her to have her own name, one from this world. She’s healthy.”

“Killian?”

“Gone. He held the baby for about 15 minutes, then asked for an increase in his morphine drip, which slowed his respiration.”

“Emma?”

“She’s ok. Resting now, as much as she can. You should go home and get some sleep too.” David hands her the keys to Emma’s place. “You might as well get yourself settled. They expect to discharge them tomorrow afternoon.”

Regina has no idea what to expect from Emma, but it doesn’t matter in terms of what she’ll need. She’ll need to be fed, at least. So Regina does as David suggests. She goes to her house, calls Henry to give him the update, then takes a nap for a few hours. When she wakes up she packs up a suitcase with her things, stops at the grocery store, and heads over to Emma’s house, where she’ll stay for two weeks to help Emma. When the plan had first been suggested, Regina felt hesitant to displace Snow, but Snow has her own young children to take care of, and Emma needs someone who can be there for her full-time for a while.

She expects it to feel strange – being in Emma and Killian’s house without either of them there, but it doesn’t. She is very familiar with their kitchen now. She feels sadness, in Killian’s absence, but she doesn’t dwell on it and there’s excitement too about the new baby. The only thing that seems odd is settling her own things into their spare room. She thinks of it as Henry’s room. It will be Kate’s eventually, but for now the baby stuff is all set up in the master bedroom – Emma’s room. There are still some reminders of Henry in his room, and Regina appreciates the way that it enables her to feel his presence.

By the time the Charmings arrive with Emma and Kate, Regina has the house cleaned and dinner in the oven. She almost invites them to stay for dinner, but it’s not really her place to do so, and then she’s glad that she hadn’t when she sees the way that Emma sighs when they’re gone. The baby has been brought in, still in her infant car seat, parked in the living room. Emma carefully settles herself on the couch. Regina brings over cushions to help her get comfortable. Emma’s eyes are already closing as she says “I need to feed her again at 4:00. Can you wake us up then?” Regina’s not sure Emma even hears her response before dropping straight to sleep.

At 3:55, Regina unstraps little Kate from her car seat and gently lifts her up, her own body primed with tension, expecting her to start crying. She doesn’t though. She doesn’t even open her eyes. Regina nudges Emma to wake her and tells her that she’s going to check Kate’s diaper. Emma just grunts and goes back to sleep.

Regina unwraps the layers of clothing enough to verify that the diaper is still dry. It’s amazing how very tiny the baby is. She hadn’t been with Henry when he was this small. She had also never known Henry to be this easy and peaceful. _That won’t do, though_ , Regina thinks. The baby needs to eat and for that she needs to be awake. So Regina busts out her tricks for arousing a newborn, fresh from all the reading she’s been doing lately to brush up on caring for babies.

The sound of Regina’s voice talking to little Kate rouses Emma, who sits up and unbuttons her shirt. Regina can see Emma looks nervous and for a moment she worries that maybe her presence is making Emma uncomfortable, but when she hands off the baby she can see that that’s not it. There’s something awkward about the way she holds her, trying to get her positioned correctly. Regina ventures, “how has it been going, nursing?”

“Not so great. It’s actually really hard.” Regina is somehow not surprised. “Mom said it was no big deal and that it didn’t hurt, but I guess I’m doing it wrong.”

“Hmph,” Regina responds, a little irritated. “Everything always comes easily to her. It’s not that way for most women.” Regina feels a little embarrassed about knowing such things. She doesn’t really want Emma to know how much she’s been reading about breast feeding. Emma doesn’t give her a hard time, just manages a relieved-sounding “really?”

Regina goes into problem solving mode, gathering up cushions to add to those propping up the baby, moving the baby’s head to a slightly different position. She can feel the flush of embarrassment from being so intimately involved with Emma’s breasts, but at the same time she realizes that Emma wouldn’t care if Regina were fifty shades of purple if it meant that what she was doing would help. So Regina proceeds with massaging Kate’s jaw open, with helping shove the nipple fully into her mouth when she latches. When the little one is finally really nursing, Regina can see Emma’s tension dissolve.

Emma continues to rely on Regina’s support with nursing, and for those first few days Regina is completely exhausted. She makes sure that Emma rests and eats and drinks, and Regina herself is always moving. She’s cooking, cleaning, soothing the baby, changing diapers. At night she’s often the first one to hear the baby cry, even though her room is across the hall. She tries to back off, but Emma is just so needy, especially at night. Emma tells her, “It’s hard not to get lost in my thoughts at night.” Regina knows that feeling well. So she does what she can to distract Emma at night, and during the day she prods her gently to talk about her feelings, knowing that the daylight will help her put them in perspective. The prodding is mostly unsuccessful. Regina’s never been any good at that sort of thing, and Emma is resistant. But Regina doesn’t give up

On the fourth day, Regina insists that they take a little walk. It’s short and slow, since Emma is still recovering from the birth, but it breathes a little life into her, and it becomes a daily ritual. On the seventh day they make it down to the docks. Emma takes Regina’s hand as they walk in silence.

Emma and Kate are getting better at nursing, but Kate is becoming voracious, and it gets very painful for Emma for a while. Regina just keeps encouraging her, but it’s _so awful_ when she can see how much pain Emma is in. Every time, she tells herself that it’s going to be good for the two of them in the long term, if she can just get past this. Then she works herself up to encouraging Emma some more. She makes sure to take Kate as soon as she’s done really nursing, when she’s just staying latched on for comfort. Then Regina holds Kate and lets her suck on her pinky finger until she’s sleeping again. She even trims her nails for this purpose. It’s during this period of time that Emma takes to staying topless for great parts of the day, since she can’t bear anything touching her nipples. It’s weird for a bit, and then it’s not. And then it all starts getting better, a little bit at a time.

Emma still won’t talk much, and Regina is still staying up with her at night. Emma works on learning to nurse in bed, and one night Regina wakes up in the early morning in Emma’s bed, with Emma’s hand on her hip, making a bridge over the baby who is laying on her back between them.

All of this is deeply strange to Regina, but also completely _fine._ If she had time to think about it all, she might find herself confused and disoriented, but as it is, she’s so busy and so tired, that she just keeps moving through the days.

On day 10, the damn of Emma’s emotions begins to crack. She’s watching tv while Regina is making breakfast and a coffee commercial makes her cry. And then she’s just crying. Regina goes over to her but doesn’t get too close. Just close enough to let her know she’s watching and listening.

She keeps clamping down on it, wiping her tears and taking deep breaths, only to start up again. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Emma mutters, pushing on her forehead, as if she’s trying to keep her thoughts contained.

Finally Regina ventures, “You don’t have to be ok, you know. Not for me,” Regina sees that Emma’s breathing is slowing. “I’m not going to fall apart or try to fix all this for you. You’ve lost your husband, you’ve got this tiny little person dependent on you, your hormones are off the map, and your body doesn’t feel like your own anymore. It’s ok to feel however you feel.”

Emma takes a few more breaths and says, “I know. Thank you.” Emma waits for a while, then starts up a quiet sob again. “The thing is, Regina, I don’t think I can do this.”

Regina just waits, not sure what Emma is referring to. “I can’t do it on my own. Maybe I could have before, and maybe I’ll get there in the future. But you’re going home soon, and I just can’t be everything she needs me to be yet. I really don’t want to have to move in with my parents, but I don’t see another way.”

Regina regrets a little bit not pushing Emma to do more. She’s been taking care of Emma in every way possible, and she thinks that maybe her doing so has made Emma feel inadequate. She had planned to stay two weeks, and they are coming up on the end of that period. There’s still time for Emma to get it together. “Emma, you _can_ do this. Kate doesn’t need that much just yet. You’ll still have me for support, and your parents. Others would come and help out too. Everyone knows how hard this is to do on your own.”

Emma is crying again. “It’s not just that. It’s not just taking care of her and all the life stuff. I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t want to be with people either. When you’re here with me, it’s ok. I mean, I still feel sad and overwhelmed, but I feel ok. When other people are around, even my parents, I feel so tense. I feel angry and I don’t know why. As soon as it’s just you and me and Kate, it’s like I can breathe again.”

Regina imagines how it would feel to be in Emma’s position. Those insufferable smothering parents of hers, always _looking_ so closely. Every moment, nurturing her so much. Everyone else treating her carefully, as if she were some breakable object. If it were Regina in that position, it would make her want to _be_ breakable, to shatter into a million pieces just to relieve the pressure of it all. In that moment, it’s clear to Regina what Emma needs, and it’s obvious what they should do. “I know I only planned to stay two weeks, but there’s no reason I can’t stay longer. I’ll just pick up some more of my things, and I’ll go back to work half time for a while.”

Emma smiles a little. “Really? For how long?”

Regina doesn’t want Emma to be worried about another artificial deadline, so she says, “I will stay with you until you tell me to go, and I won’t bring it up again until then.”

Regina can tell that this is the exact right thing to have said, because she can see Emma relax and her smile, still thin, reaches her eyes. Then she’s crying again, but still smiling.

And so it goes that Regina finds herself basically moving in with Emma, indefinitely. She’s been hanging out at Emma’s in the most casual clothes she owns, and now she brings over her work clothes , jewelry, and makeup along with more of her stuff from home. Enough that she feels settled.

Over the next few weeks, Regina gradually shifts from being a helpful guest to just being herself, living with Emma. She consciously tries to make sure that Emma has to step up to the plate more, that there are no tasks that Regina has dominion over, except for cooking. She’s sure Emma can manage to feed herself when its time for Regina to go, but she sees no reason to subject herself to that sort of cuisine in the mean time.

Regina tries not to get too attached to Kate, and for a while she thinks that she’s really succeeding. Then one day that particular rug gets pulled out from under her in a moment. It’s the day after Kate’s one month birthday, and Regina is flashing Kate a big smile as she picks her up after changing her. Then it happens. Kate smiles back at her. She still looks like Snow, and this smile cements it. It’s Snow’s sweet, innocent, joyful smile and it is melting Regina’s defenses like a flurry of Elsa’s snowflakes in the Agrabah sun. Regina feels the love piercing her heart, and she knows immediately that her fantasies of protecting herself have been shattered. There’s no going back, so from that moment on she ceases her efforts to stay detached. This little one needs her smiles more than Regina needs her emotional distance anyway. She’s all in, consequences be damned.

It is around that same time that Regina starts sleeping in Emma’s bed on a regular basis. When Regina had started back at work, Emma had insisted she stop getting up in the middle of the night. The extra sleep helped Regina feel more like a functional human being again. Then one night, when Regina woke up to go to the bathroom, she found Emma sitting in the wooden chair in her room, nursing Kate. Emma confessed that, though she didn’t feel like she needed Regina to be awake, she sometimes felt like she needed to see her. Regina, knowing how much easier it was on Emma to nurse the baby in bed or in the comfortable chair in Emma’s room, decided it would be easy enough for her to just sleep in there.

It was only another month or so before Kate settled, and started sleeping through the night, but in the mean time Regina got used to the Way Emma would lay a sleeping hand on her when she had a nightmare, the way the smell in the room would help her to sleep, and the good quality of the mattress. She just didn’t have any motivation to go back to the other room. It was all temporary anyway, so it didn’t seem like a big deal.

 At the end of the summer, Emma and her family hold a memorial service for Killian and spread his ashes at sea. Emma makes arrangements to start back at work part-time. Kate gets a spot at the best daycare in town, a faux castle run by Old Mother Hubbard. Emma is still not her usual self, but her feet are back under her again and she is beginning to feel that it is not so difficult to be around other people anymore. Regina knows that their time together is coming to an end, and every day she gets a little more anxious about the conversation that she knows is coming.

It happens one night when they are out to dinner at Granny’s. “Do you want to go home?” Emma asks.

Regina misses her meaning and says, confused, “I’m still eating, but if you want to go, that’s ok I can get a box.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Regina sees that Emma is blushing a little bit. “I meant,” she starts but then stops again. “I know you said that you wouldn’t bring it up again until I said I wanted you to go, but lately I’ve been thinking that if you’re waiting for me to _want_ you to go, you could be waiting a long time.”

Regina smiles a little. _So this is it_ , she thinks. She’s getting her walking papers and Emma is talking around it in some strange way. She waits for Emma to continue.

“The thing is, I don’t feel the way I did before, about not being able to take care of Kate. I know I can. If you went back to your place, I wouldn’t feel like I had to move in with my parents. I know it would be hard, but all the things you said before are true. I would have as much help as I wanted.”

What Emma is saying makes sense, but Regina is confused by her use of a hypothetical framing.

“The thing is, I want Kate to have the best that I can offer her, and I just feel like when you’re with me that’s what I’m giving her. It’s hard for me to wrap my head around why I would want to give her less. The only reason that makes sense to me is if it is what you want, if you’d be happier back on your own again, free of us.”

“Emma,” Regina starts, but she’s not even sure what she’s going to say. Of course she wouldn’t be _happier_ without them. But that doesn’t seem like it’s the relevant question. When she tries to reframe it, though, it’s hard to make a simple thing more complicated in her mind.

“No, I really need you to think about this. Don’t just say what you think you’re supposed to say. Just tell me the truth. Would you be happier if you moved out?”

Regina knows that Emma typically has a way of oversimplifying matters. It seems like maybe the truly relevant questions here are whether Regina moving out is in their collective long-term interest. But Emma has asked her a direct question, and Regina doesn’t want to lie. “No, I wouldn’t.”

Emma’s exhale is audible. “Ok, So I’m not going to tell you its time to go, but I need you to promise me something.”

“Ok.”

“If that ever changes, if you ever feel like you would be happier if you moved out, promise me that you will tell me.”

Regina still feels overwhelmed at the simplicity of Emma’s reasoning, but she responds as if she could believe it were all that clear-cut. “I promise,” she says, looking into Emma’s eyes.

It is this sense of inertia that carries them forward, this need to not mess up something that’s working, even if it’s not as necessary as it once was. Their habits remain constant, only adapting as Kate’s maturation dictates.

Emma still has a lot of healing to do, but it’s the kind that comes naturally, with time. In the first few weeks, her eyes were empty, her expression blank. For a while after that Regina was certain that Emma was holding back tears most o the time. Gradually, Emma’s smile started returning, subtle at first, then just small. In those first few months, Regina had the monopoly on the big smile games with little Kate, and Emma would look on, content but distant.

Something relaxes in Emma after she asks Regina to stay indefinitely, and Regina can see that ease affect the way she interacts with Kate. They start to bond. Emma becomes more responsive to the subtle facial expressions that Kate makes.

 *****

Regina is wrapping Christmas gifts, and she’s feeling very pleased with her selections. She really knows Emma now, in a way that she hadn’t before. This thought makes her remember the time when she told Emma, “I know you. It took a long time but I really know you.” It was true, of course. They had known each other quite well at a deep psychological level. Their friendship was well-tested, their commitment to each other beyond any doubt. They had trusted each other with their lives, had seen each other at their darkest points, had offered each other forgiveness and support through it all.

But lately they’ve been learning each other in a new way. Somehow, previously, Emma had passed from being Regina’s enemy to a person she would follow to hell and back, but they had skipped the part of friendship of just casually spending time together. She knew Emma’s soul but not her ways. Now that is changing.

Emma learns that Regina can’t keep herself from dancing whenever pop music from 1983 comes on, and she even knows a few choreographed sequences from “Solid Gold,” which she had watched on tv religiously when the curse first came. Regina learns that Emma knows all the words to “Ice Ice Baby” and can deliver them with a straight face, thanks to a competition with some former foster siblings. Emma learns that Regina makes her own recipes and keeps one notebook for her works in progress, a loose-leaf binder that she scribbles in haphazardly, and one leather-bound journal where she writes her perfected versions in neat script with a black fine-tipped marker. Regina is pleased to learn that although Emma’s slovenly habits are her default state, she is actually quite receptive to both cleanup requests and to simple changes in her habits that make her neater. Oddly, despite her general disorganization, Emma can’t stand it when anyone squeezes the toothpaste from the middle or fails to replace the cap. Neither of them are morning people, and it becomes a house rule that no apologies are necessary for rudeness that occurs before 8 am. Emma is surprised that Regina’s hair is naturally curly, and that she doesn’t spend much longer on her morning routine than Emma does. Regina is actually not that surprised that Emma’s lustrous blond waves are dependent on curling irons and highlights. Emma often sleeps in her underwear and a tank top but occasionally gets in the mood for flannel pajamas and will wear them for weeks at a time. Regina becomes uncharacteristically sweet and kind whenever she is ill. They both have a secret addiction to “Dancing With the Stars”.

Henry comes home to visit for Christmas. He asks if he should stay at Mifflin Street, but Emma insists that there is plenty of room for him. He asks if he should put his stuff up in the attic room and Emma says, casually, “no, you can have your old room.” He shoots Regina a questioning look, one eyebrow raised, and she looks back with an intimidating glare. He gets the message. _Drop the subject and don’t make a big deal out of it_.

Its then that Regina first starts thinking that there is something a little odd about their arrangement. But she’s never really cared what other people thought about her personal life, and she’s not about to start now.

Henry seems quite pleased, and remarks more than once how nice it is not to have to split his precious time home between his two moms. Regina even overhears him coaching Kate on which moms to ask for what. She feels her stomach turn at that, and pretends she didn’t hear it.

Regina hopes the sleeping arrangements didn’t give him the wrong idea about the nature of their relationship. Regina makes sure they play a few rounds of their game, “who’s the most attractive man on Dancing with the Stars” where they argue about their respective answers, which is actually a normal thing for them. But then occasionally it devolves into “who’s the most attractive woman,” which is always less amusing because they are more likely to agree. She also makes sure to insert some opportunities to reminisce about Killian, to make sure that Henry knows that she’s not replacing him. She has no idea if any of this works.

        *****

It’s a cold night in late February, and Regina is late getting home due to a meeting that ran long. She’s tired and hungry and it feels so good to enter the house and shed her layers. As she’s kicking off her shoes she breathes in the smell of food, and she can actually hear her stomach grumble in response. She heads into the kitchen to see what she can do to help, stopping to kiss Kate, who is happily chattering nonsense in her high chair, watching Emma move about the kitchen. Emma is balancing too many things in her arms, including a glass bowl of spaghetti. Regina is moving toward her to take something off of her hands when she sees Emma loose control of the spaghetti. Regina rushes to help steady it, but her stocking feet slip a bit and she bumps the bowl further out of Emma’s control. Emma is reaching to catch it, but, noticing Regina loosing her balance she reaches to steady her at the same time and ends up knocking the bowl into the air. They both try to grab it and there are three moments where it seems like one of them has it before it slips away again. By the end of the little scene they have managed to keep the bowl from shattering, but they both end up on the floor, covered with spaghetti. The laughter bursts out and overtakes them until tears are in their eyes.

When she gets her breath back Regina realizes that this is the first time she’s seen Emma laugh since Kate was born. Kate is grinning and slapping the high chair tray.

After they get most of the mess up off the floor, still sporadically laughing, Regina tells Emma that she’s going to go change her clothes.

“Not so fast. Photo opp first.”

Regina rolls her eyes at Emma, who responds, “Oh, come on Regina. Every kid’s baby book has at least one picture of the kid covered in food. How many kids have one of themselves perfectly clean with their parents covered in food?”

Regina obeys Emma and poses for the selfie with Kate between them. For the remainder of the evening she can’t stop replaying Emma’s last sentence in her mind. _Parents._ It hadn’t occurred to Regina that Emma thought of her as a parent to Kate. Maybe she doesn’t. Maybe it was just a short hand for adults-in-child’s-life. But it seems like the word “adults” would have been easy enough to access if that was her meaning. For her part, Emma doesn’t seem to have noticed anything weighty in what she uttered. There are no searching glances, no residual discomfort.

Later, it occurs to Regina that there might not have been room in Emma’s mind to notice or dwell on her own turn of phrase, as it becomes clear to Regina that Emma’s thoughts are elsewhere. Emma doesn’t come downstairs after putting Kate to bed, and when Regina goes to check on her she hears the sound of Emma crying.

The door isn’t closed, so she peeks in, not sure if her presence will be welcome. “Hey,” Regina says softly. She’s not sure what to say. _Everything ok?_ Would be ridiculous – clearly it’s not. Emma hasn’t done a whole lot of crying and Regina had wondered if she had been hiding it. But Emma makes no attempt to hide it now, or to apologize. Regina feels a sense of pride as she notices that. She’s so lucky to be close enough to Emma that Emma doesn’t need to insulate her from her pain. It’s a privilege that Regina has paid for in time and devotion, but it still feels like an unexpected gift.

Emma doesn’t tell her to go but she doesn’t offer any explanations. Thinking back on the evening, Regina guesses it might be survivor’s guilt. “He wouldn’t want you to stay unhappy forever, you know. He would want you to enjoy life again.”

Emma nods. “I know. It’s not that. I’m not scared of moving on. I don’t owe him sadness.” Emma pauses again and Regina can tell that she’s just figuring things out in the moment. “It’s just that I’m never going to be closer to him than I am now, and he already feels far away. And there’s only one way for me to move from here and that is farther away from him. And the thing is that’s ok. It’s the way it is. I guess it’s the ok-ness of it that’s getting to me.”

It makes sense to Regina. For the first time since the day that Snow knocked on her door to bring her the news, Regina feels a sense of security about Emma’s long-term well being. It’s a very good feeling. In the morning Regina will start to question what it all means for her future with Emma’s family. Emma’s healing has always been tied to Regina’s fate. But that night, it’s only Emma in her mind.

The anxiety that overtakes Regina the next day doesn’t last long. Over breakfast, Emma announces her plans to box up Killian’s things, which she’s left untouched this whole time. It’s not much, but it makes for some empty drawers and closet space. “If you want to move your stuff in you should probably do it fast before the extra space disappears,” Emma says, with no hint of uncertainty or any particular emotion.

Regina feels strange about taking over Killian’s space, but she can’t figure out a sensible reason why she should refuse. That would require admitting that there’s something strange about their situation. It would require inviting in a separation for the sake of separation, which is something she and Emma have steadfastly refused to do.

After that, they finally get serious about making the other bedroom into Kate’s room. First, Emma asks Regina if she wants them to move into her place. It is bigger, after all.  Regina considers it carefully, and she is really quite surprised to discover how little attachment she feels to her home of over thirty years. It was a place created by the curse for the evil queen. Only Henry’s room ever felt alive, and now even that room retains only a faded impression of him. So Regina declines.

During that time, Regina finally relaxes into her life with Emma and Kate. She knows that whatever happens with them, she’ll remain a part of their lives. For the first time in her life, Regina begins to live in the moment, enjoying them as they slip into the past. She’s not plotting anyone’s destruction, not fearing an apocalypse, not worrying about finding a happy ending, and not even waiting for the other shoe to drop. She’s just living. It doesn’t matter that it’s not happily ever after. It’s happily _now._

 *****

It’s just after Kate’s first birthday that Snow approaches Regina. She had been getting the feeling that that Snow has had something on her mind of late. Every time they’ve been alone together recently, Snow had looked as if she were about to say something and then stopped. Now she’s looking nervous, but determined. Regina doesn’t like it. It reminds her too much of the Snow of her distant memory. It’s making an irritation, something like an itch, grow inside her.

“Will you just spill it out already?” Regina says, finally.

Snow tries to deflect, “What?”

“I know there’s something you want to say to me, so will you spare us both this . . .” Regina waves her hand between them, “and just say it.”

Snow seems relieved, and the words begin to spill out of her with ease. “You know that Emma’s doing alright now. She’s really back on her feet, thanks to you.” She pauses now and Regina sees the uncertainty in her face. She knows what she wants to say, but she’s trying to find a way to say it that won’t hurt Regina’s feelings. Regina feels her stomach turn and swallows down the twinge of contempt before Snow continues on. “She just doesn’t need you the way she did before.”

Regina knows what she’s saying is true, but it angers her to hear it from Snow. “Did you think this would be news to me?”

Snow gives her a tight smile. “Ok, no. So I get it. You’re here because it’s comfortable and pleasant and neither of you want to change that. Maybe you don’t want to be lonely.” Snow glances only briefly at Regina during that last sentence. Regina gives her a warning look but waits for her to finish her thought. “But eventually one of you is going to want something more. You’ll meet someone new, and this arrangement will become inconvenient. The longer this goes on, the more painful it will be when that happens.”

Regina is angry now, but she’s holding it in, knowing that Snow is only trying to protect Emma. Regina understands all too well how strong that desire can be. She takes deep breaths as she considers how she will respond.

She looks at snow, holding eye contact as she says in a deep voice that she rarely uses these days, “We are only going to have this conversation once, so I expect you to listen very carefully and remember this.” Snow’s eyes widen.

Regina looks away, out the window, “It won’t be me. What you say may happen, may happen, but it will be because Emma wants to move on. The moment she decides it’s time for this to end, I will go, and I will be _fine_. She knows that I am not afraid of being alone. She won’t hold on to me for my sake.” Regina is not actually certain that’s true, but she hopes it is. “But make no mistake, until Emma tells me that that is what she wants, I’ll be here.”

“How can you know that?” Snow asks.

Regina responds in her queen tone of voice, which brokers no opposition. “I know.” She’s not sure that’s enough though. It’s just a façade. So she searches her mind for the most truthful explanation she can offer for the certainty she feels, and she softens her voice. “I don’t know how I know, Snow, but I do.” 

Snow looks at her for a while and Regina allows the scrutiny, though it makes her uncomfortable. Finally she just says, “ok,” and there’s a sadness in her eyes that Regina doesn’t understand.

Snow respects Regina’s request and doesn’t speak about it again, at least not to her. It’s six months later when Regina realizes that Snow’s restraint has not extended to Emma.

 

It’s family dinner at their place, and they’ve been planning the big Thanksgiving feast, which is just a few weeks away. Regina is surprised to note how much she is looking forward to the holiday, which brings in the extended family – the dwarves, Granny and Red, Gepetto and Archie.

The guests have gone and after Regina peeks in to check on Kate, who is (like every evening) sleeping quietly, she joins Emma in the kitchen to help with clean up. Regina picks up a towel to dry the dishes as Emma washes them. For some reason she always especially enjoys sharing this particular domestic chore with Emma.

Regina can tell immediately that something is bothering Emma. She’s using a little too much muscle to scrub the pan she’s working on. After a few minutes of watching her quietly, Regina ventures, “So what is bothering you?”

Emma takes a breath and looks at her. “It’s my mother. She gave me another one of her lectures about our situation.”

Regina knew what that meant. Emma had never really discussed it with her, but Regina remembered the lecture Snow had once given her, and although she had capitulated to Regina’s request not to discuss it with her again, it did not surprise Regina that she would have made her views known to Emma. Apparently, this had occurred on more than one occasion. Regina wasn’t entirely sure what Emma thought about Snow’s arguments, and she felt a little nervous about the possibilities. It wasn’t like Snow was wrong about the dangers.

“I’ve told her so many times. I like how things are. I’m not going to go tearing this apart just because I’m scared of what might happen in the future.”

Regina feels a little relief wash over her. What Emma voiced is very similar to how she herself feels about it, and it is good to know that Emma feels that way too. The danger is still there, though. Regina infuses her words with a calm that she does not feel. “She’s just worried about you getting hurt.”

Emma sighs, and responds with a resigned tone, “Yeah, and she worries about you getting hurt too.” This also relieves Regina because it means that Snow had truly heeded her words and had come to believe that Regina was the one in greater danger of getting hurt.

Emma continues on, indignant. “I guess that’s part of what makes me so mad – the assumption that I’m going to fuck everything up any minute, when I at some point fall to the inevitable pressures of sexual deprivation. Why does everything have to be about sex?”

This strikes Regina as an oversimplification, and she takes a more serious tone. “Emma, you know it’s not just about that for Snow. She wants you to have love.”

Emma’s response is quick and angry, taking Regina by surprise. “That’s bullshit.” Regina takes a breath and reminds herself that it’s Snow that Emma is angry with, even though it is Regina’s point that Emma is calling bullshit.

Emma continues on so fast that it takes Regina some time to process her words. “I’ve got love. You might not ever say it, but I KNOW you love me. And I love you. Not a little bit. A lot. About as much as I can imagine loving anyone. We are HAPPY. I’m happy. I know you’re happy. I think for her part Kate is pretty damned happy too. Mom knows all of that. But because we don’t have sex, everyone thinks that what we have isn’t enough, that it’s some kind of sham or distraction. I’ve had plenty of sex in my life, but I’ve never had anything like this before.”

Regina is stunned, but she tries to play it off, all the while Emma’s words are reverberating in her mind. She feels her heart swell with an aching joy like she’s never felt before.

Emma blushes and looks down at her hands. She’s stopped washing dishes now. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to unload all that on you.”

“No, I get it,” Regina responds. She really does understand exactly what Emma means, and she pauses for a moment, trying to find the right words to explain her thought.  “It’s like they think that what we have is an enchilada without the tortillas – might be ok but it’s not an _enchilada_. And what _we_ think we have is an enchilada without the little dollop of sour cream on top.”

Regina is rewarded with Emma’s laughter. It’s free and easy, and it just keeps going, until she can manage to speak again. “Oh my god, you made a food analogy,” Emma says, grinning. “You really do love me.”

Hoping to keep the mood light, Regina responds with a simple, “Indeed,” but she makes sure to look Emma in the eye as she says it.

Emma laughs again, adding. “I don’t even like sour cream.”

“I know,” Regina says, smirking. “You do like metaphorical sour cream though, right?”

Emma is laughing again. “Last I checked, yeah. It’s been a while.”

This would be a good segue to a conversation they should probably have at some point, about how they can have a side of sour cream on occasion without endangering their enchilada. But Regina’s still too rattled, and on too much of a high from everything Emma has just said. It’s not as if any of it is surprising. She feels Emma’s love in a thousand little ways, in the mundane details of their lives. But hearing her say it is overwhelming. It’s a validation that she thought she didn’t need, but she must have needed it after all, since she can feel it filling something up inside her. Regina doesn’t want to change this moment with further conversation. She just wants to keep hearing the sound of Emma’s laughter, so she says, “You know there’s one way we could get Snow off our backs,” pausing for dramatic effect before she adds, “We could just fuck.” Regina can feel herself blush, which surprises her, since it was just a joke. Thank goodness Emma will know that, and not think much of the blushing.  

Of course, Emma does laugh. It’s a full and uninhibited laugh, and Regina allows herself to look at her again, her eyes sparkling with laughter. Emma grabs the edge of the towel Regina’s holding and says, “Brilliant plan, let’s do it,” tugging on it to pull Regina close enough to wrap an arm around her hips and draw her in, flush against Emma’s body. Regina is laughing now too, as Emma dips her back. Her laugh dissolves into an open, joyful smile as she looks into Emma’s eyes.

Emma pauses for a moment to look at her, and she feels the beauty of Regina’s smile as if it were a radiant heat source. The sparkle of her eyes captures her gaze. Emma had meant to kiss her. In her mind, she imagined it would be a silly pressing of their lips together that would last but a moment before their laughter dissolved it. But in pausing to look at Regina, and to bathe herself in the light that is Regina’s smile, something has changed. The weight of her earlier words is still in the air. The moment isn’t what it was before, the mood changed. But it’s too late to change course, or maybe she doesn’t want to, and Emma follows through on her intention.

She kisses Regina, and it’s not silly at all. Regina’s lips are soft and yielding, and Emma feels a jolt of excitement flash through her body. It’s shocking and terrifying and she just freezes. It feels like an eternity. Finally, she feels Regina’s lips moving under hers, and she realizes that Regina is kissing her back. It’s amazing. Her entire body feels suddenly alive. Regina’s hand, which had been pinned against Emma’s collarbone, slides up to the back of Emma’s neck.

They can’t sustain it long, because of the unbalanced position they are in. When the kiss breaks, Regina just says, “Oh.”

Emma looks at Regina’s face, which is serious now. She is searching, trying to decode what she sees there. _Worry. Definitely worry_. Emma figures that there are two ways that this can go. They can talk about what just happened – what it was, what it means for their relationship, and how they should proceed.

Or they can just proceed.

The latter seems clearly preferable. Emma brings her hand to Regina’s face, fingertips touching her temple lightly first. She lets her palm settle on the curve of Regina’s cheek. Her eyes are fixed on Emma’s, as Emma draws closer very slowly. She’s leaving Regina plenty of time to shut this down, but she doesn’t. As Emma moves closer, the worry is dissolving into something different, _curiosity maybe_ , Emma thinks. Regina’s hands settle onto Emma’s shoulders, weightless. Emma barely touches her lips to Regina’s, and immediately she can feel life returning to her body, as if every nerve ending is waking up, remembering its purpose. The kiss is tender, slow, and absolutely glorious.

Emma pulls away to search Regina’s face again, and she finds it completely changed. Her brow is a tiny bit furrowed, her eyes fiery, and her expression is one Emma hasn’t seen in a long time. It’s the look Regina gets when there’s an emotion right below the surface, like a balloon about to pop, and you can’t quite tell whether it will be rage or joy or . . .

Regina grabs Emma’s shirt with both hands and pulls her closer, crushing her lips into Emma’s. _Desire_ , Emma thinks, as she opens her mouth to capture Regina’s tongue. Emma feels the jolt of excitement go straight through her to her center. This begins a cycle that repeats and repeats in a spiral. They kiss until Emma’s mind admits conscious thought again, and questions start floating through. _How can this be happening? How could I not have seen . . . not have known? Does she feel the same way? Did she know?_

Then she’ll stop, pull away and gaze at Regina, and every time the love wells up and fits into place a little bit more and it just feels so right. Then one of them pulls the other close again and they fall into each other, taking turns escalating like a couple of teenagers testing the boundaries ever so carefully. Emma lets her hands fall a little lower on Regina’s hips, squeezing gently. Regina slides her hands from Emma’s shoulders to her neck, then into her hair, grabbing fistfuls to pull Emma’s head back, exposing her neck for Regina’s mouth. Emma pushes Regina against a wall and kisses her as she lets a hand stroke Regina’s abdomen, over her shirt, inching upward until she’s grazing the underside of a breast, just barely. Regina squeezes Emma’s ass, pulling her closer. Each escalation is broken by the gaze, until it’s so perfect and so reassuring that the questioning voice fades away and there’s nothing but raw sensation. Emma hears Regina mumble something that sounds like “upstairs.” For a moment Emma considers picking Regina up and climbing the stairs with her in her arms, but the possibility of derailing this moment with bodily injury seems _so not worth it_. So she just says, “you don’t have to tell me twice” and takes off at top speed, with Regina close at her heels.  

They make love, and it’s not physically fantastic. It’s been a long time for both of them, and their first orgasms come too quickly and don’t feel quite satisfying. There are little obstacles to their enjoyment that wouldn’t be there if this had been even remotely anticipated. Regina’s fingernails are too long. Emma’s got a little bit of her period left. Moreover, they have that awkwardness of just being new to each other. They pull each other’s hair and pinch each other’s skin accidentally. But somehow, it’s still fantastic anyway. They’re so happy, and they’re laughing through it all and it just feels _so good_.  

“Clearly, we need some practice,” Emma mumbles, as she’s falling asleep cuddled tightly to Regina.

“Tomorrow,” Regina mumbles back before her eyes close.

 *****

Regina’s stomach is churning wildly from anxiety. They are at the Charming’s house for family dinner, and she’s put Kate down to sleep in the play yard that they keep in Neil’s room for occasions such as this. This the moment that she and Emma have agreed will be their big announcement.

They have agreed to keep it simple and unambiguous. They are going to tell Emma’s parents that they are in love. She can imagine that it will be fairly shocking. They have had a platonic relationship for so long.

Regina is still surprised about it herself. There was the first shock of discovering her desire for Emma. Rather than emerging through the normal slow escalation of attraction, it burst forth fully developed in one moment. That shock alone would have been enough to have her head reeling for days. What was even stranger was the way that one single moment of intimacy, the kiss that began it, unlocked within her a flood of emotion towards Emma. Regina felt she could look at Emma every moment of every day and never get enough.

For a long time Regina had felt invested in Emma’s happiness, but now she could see herself as part of that happiness. When Emma looked at her, it seemed easier to be her best self. Regina felt, with every fiber of her being, that Emma truly saw her.

Regina reveled in allowing her gaze to take in every tiny detail of Emma. It was a strange thing. She already knew Emma so well, and so much of her was already familiar. But at the same time she had never allowed herself to _look_ at Emma in the way she did now with utter abandon. And of course, there were some parts of Emma that really were new to her – the look on her face when she approaches a climax, almost pained but with such incredible softness, the tiny flashes of insecurity that pass so quickly, and most of all the look that Emma gives her when she’s ‘feelin’ the love’.

The most amazing, unbelievable part of all is that Emma has experienced the same emotion unlocking as Regina. All through that first night they spent together, Regina kept questioning it, asking herself if Emma was just experimenting. But every time Emma looked into her eyes, that uncertainty would vanish as Regina was overtaken with _the love_. Emma’s gaze left no room for doubt.

The certainty of their physical connection and the way that they communicated with their eyes made it so they didn’t really need to talk about what was happening. The morning after, Regina had woken up earlier and gotten up with Kate. She was feeding Kate breakfast when Emma came downstairs, slipping her arms around Regina’s waist from behind and kissing her on the cheek. It felt familiar and natural and easy.

So they slipped into their normal lives again, only with love and passion and joy infusing everything. The prospect of the need to reveal their change in status provided their first motivation to really talk about any of it.

Some part of Regina reveled in the idea of telling Snow White and Prince Charming that she was fucking their daughter. Emma wouldn’t like that, though, and Regina found that just imagining it was satisfying enough. Emma offered, “how about I just say: Mom, Dad, Regina and I are in love.” Emma had been using a casual tone of voice, but it wavered a bit at the end, betraying the seriousness of the admission.

“That’s perfect,” Regina replied, as tears welled up in her eyes. Then they both cried and wiped each other’s tears and kissed each other.

 And now Regina finds herself approaching the moment of truth as she moves to join the three others, claiming the spot on the couch next to Emma, and Emma begins. “Mom, Dad, Regina and I have something we want to tell you.”

Snow and David look at them with a mixture of interest and trepidation.  Emma reaches over and puts her hand on Regina’s as she says, “Regina and I are in love.”

Snow and David respond simultaneously, David with “what?” and Snow exhaling as she says, “oh thank God.”

Snow laughs and says, “Really though, you’re being serious, right? You’re not just making this up to get me off your back?”

Regina and Emma look at each other and can’t contain their laughter. This makes David think that they’re messing with them and even Snow looks a little worried. David says, smirking, “Ok, prove it.”

Emma says “Dad” in an embarrassed tone of voice, but Regina is loving the idea of wiping that smirk off of Charming’s face. She looks at Emma with her victorious evil queen smile, and that has Emma grinning in a sappy, lovesick way. Regina kisses her then and it’s actually hard at first because they’re smiling, but they keep at it until they hear David say, “oh my God.”

As soon as they look up, Snow is leaping over to hug them. “Oh I’m so happy for you.” She looks at Regina, “I’m so happy for you, Regina.” Then she looks at Emma. “I’m so happy for you, Emma. This is wonderful.”

Snow looks up at David, “I’m so happy for the whole town.”

David says, “what?” again in that same dumbfounded way. Snow reaches over and squeezes his arm. “You know how Regina gets when she’s heartbroken. This is great for everyone.”

Regina scowls, or tries to, but she’s so happy she can’t pull it off.

 

The sudden change in their lives is, of course, every bit as strange to Emma as it is to Regina, wonderful in all the same ways. Emma keeps running through memories of Regina in her mind, looking for some sign that she missed. Sometimes she can overlay her current feelings on her memories and in this way she can look at the Regina of the past with the love and passion that she feels now. But she doesn’t like the way it makes her feel, full of longing and guilt. The Regina of the past is gone and thinking about her is like loving a ghost, and there is already a ghost inhabiting that part of Emma’s past. During that time she had loved Killian, and if what she has now with Regina was somehow there all along in some dormant incubating state, then she’s glad not to have been able to feel it at the time. It’s better this way. Now she can have her memories and still give Regina everything.

The only thing that really bothers her is the lingering feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop. With the completely unexpected way that desire had dropped into their relationship, there’s a part of Emma that expects it to go away just as mysteriously. For a while she copes with the feeling by using every free moment they have together to make love to Regina. There’s no way the desire can go away when they are together like that. And it just keeps getting better and better. They learn each other quickly. The hardest part is figuring out that they are naturally compatible and they don’t have to try as hard as they think they do. Regina likes Emma to make the first move, and that’s as easy as breathing for Emma. Regina likes to be worshiped, adored, and loved carefully and tenderly – a foundation that Emma knows exactly how to lay. Then there’s always a moment when its enough and Regina takes control. Then she is completely in charge, and Emma _loves_ that. It makes her feel safe and loved as well as important, vital and powerful. Emma releases her thoughts into Regina’s beauty and how much she _fucking loves_ her. She doesn’t worry about what to do, just follows Regina’s lead, which is unpredictable and invariably fantastic.

Emma has never been a cuddler, even when she’s in love. But with Regina, being physically sated doesn’t relieve her desire to be close to her. And they fit together so perfectly. It’s another way to keep the intimacy intact, which keeps Emma’s fear under control.

It’s inevitable, though, that they get to a point where it has to slow down. Emma knows it, but she can’t control the anxiety that blooms in her the first time that Regina turns down her overture. She tries to hide it, but that’s never been her strong suit. Regina just carries on as if nothing is wrong. Regina is already asleep when Emma goes to bed, which is consistent with her explanation – fatigue. But Emma can’t sleep, can only alternate between watching Regina sleep, longing to press herself against Regina and hold too tightly, and curling up on her side, trying to will herself to calm down. Eventually Regina shifts in her sleep and throws a leg over Emma’s thigh, nestling her head against Emma’s shoulder, and that’s enough for Emma to sleep.

The next evening they are busy and there’s no time to reconnect. After that Emma is too scared. She tries to will herself to make a move, but she can’t. She’s tense and it’s making Regina edgy too. She looks at Emma like she knows exactly what the problem is, but she doesn’t say anything about it. Another day goes by and they’re snapping at each other over little things. On the fourth day something shifts. Regina is wearing a skirt just a little bit too short, a top that’s tighter than usual. Her hair is a little wild, her lipstick redder than usual and the shoes she is wearing are impossibly high heels that only one phrase can describe. Once that phrase crosses Emma’s mind, it’s all she hears every time Regina’s words are directed at her. Regina says, “would you pass me the green beans?” and Emma hears, “would you fuck me please?” Even silent glances, little gestures seem to say the same thing. Regina licks her lips and dabs her mouth with the corner of her napkin and Emma hears Regina’s voice in her mind, “Fuck me, Emma.” It’s all Emma can do to act normally enough to get through Kate’s bedtime.

As soon as Emma is back in Regina’s presence, there is one barely suggestive look on Regina’s part and Emma grabs her and pushes her against the kitchen counter. They’re not that far from where they were the first time they kissed, but it couldn’t be more different. Emma is kissing Regina hard, her hands moving directly to Regina’s breasts and inner thighs. Regina takes her moment of control and holds Emma’s hands against her body as she turns around, pressing her back against Emma and arching her back. Emma holds her tight and bites her neck, then she steps back to admire what Regina is offering her. Those heels make every curve look impossibly good, and Emma reaches down to run her hands up from ankles over calves and up. When Emma’s hands get to the hem of Regina’s skirt, she realizes that, although it is tight, the fabric is a stretchy knit. Emma thinks of Regina choosing this outfit this morning, knowing that it would allow Emma to do exactly what she is going to do next, and Emma shudders with the pleasure of that knowledge.

Emma slides the skirt up over Regina’s hips, revealing stockings that are being held up by garter belts, and Emma thinks her heart might actually stop. Regina’s head is turned enough that Emma can see her smirk at Emma’s deep groan. Emma pushes Regina’s upper body down against the counter and uses her own body to nudge Regina’s legs apart, tugging her underwear down just enough to expose that beautiful ass. And then she’s in Regina, using her pelvis to push her hand in, feeling her body’s responses with her fingertips. Regina comes quickly, in a rolling double peak that leaves her body jelly-like. But Emma is building now towards her own release and she doesn’t want to stop, so she keeps going. It’s then that Regina groans in pleasure and Emma can feel the way she is opening herself to Emma. Her body is saying, “Yes, take what you want from me. I’m yours,” and Emma feels that sense of ownership as she nears her peak. Regina’s body is shaking rapidly now, and she’s grunting with little tremors that pass through her as Emma comes.

Emma helps Regina up and Regina leans on her while her muscles recover their ability to support her own weight. Regina laughs and says, “that was fun,” as if it were an amusing diversion and not the desperately needed affirmation that it was for Emma. As they go to bed that night, Emma thinks to herself that they haven’t really fixed anything. Emma assumes that they still need to talk, that she will need to confess all her fears to Regina and pretend to be soothed by whatever Regina says. But it turns out that she’s wrong about that. The next time Regina turns her down Emma’s not hurt. She’s excited, thinking, “she’ll let me know when she’s ready.” And when she gets “not tonight” as an answer twice in a row, she’s _happy_ to slide into the deliciousness of anticipation.

It seems like a game at first, until Emma realizes that she really doesn’t feel afraid anymore. Regina also discovers little ways to make Emma feel their intimacy, without sex. There are foot rubs and back scratches, and soft conversations with Emma’s head in Regina’s lap, even the occasional PDA.

 *****

One morning they’re getting ready to go out for the day and Regina is entertaining Kate so that Emma can get their gear packed. They are sitting on the floor of the living room, playing with a set of nesting cups. Regina is stacking them into a tower, trying to get all nine of them stacked up before Kate knocks them over and she has to start again. All the while, Regina is talking, a monolog that’s going over Kate’s head but amusing her nonetheless.

“The trick with these cups is not to be bound by convention. You might see them and think, ‘red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet and think that’s the right order because that is what convention dicates. But there’s only one variable you must consider when constructing a nesting cup tower and that is relative size. Keep your focus there and you build something strong. And if that means you have to put them in the order ‘red, orange, yellow, indigo, violet, blue, green’ then that’s what you have to do.”

Emma thinks something that she’ll share with Regina later – that Kate’s nesting cups are like their relationship. They had all the right pieces to build something great. They just came in an unconventional order. First they hated each other, then they raised an adolescent son together, then they became deeply committed to each other’s happiness, then they became friends, then they lived together and got to know each other really well and took care of a baby together, then they wanted each other and fell in love. Just because the pieces didn’t come in the usual order doesn’t mean their final structure is any less sound.

Years later, when Kate is too old for that toy, Emma takes it to work and puts it on a shelf with her family pictures. It serves as a reminder of the many unconventional blessings of Emma’s strange life.


End file.
